Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Saturday, 21 February 2015

Whoa, okay.

My cousin reminded me the other day that I haven't posted anything here for a LONG time. So this is an "I'm okay and this is what has happened since the last time"-post. This might get long, so bear with me.

Last time (aka last two posts before this one) I wrote about wanting to cosplay again and that I was getting an apartment.

So yeah...

Well first of all last year was kind of a clusterfuck for me. In the beginning of the year I lost my mummi (grandma from mother's side in this case), was super heartbroken about it for a long time, since she was really important to me. I applied to Theatre Academy, but didn't even get invited to the entrance examination, since I "didn't have enough work experiene in theatre". Mind you, I had graduated at the end of the previous year. I had a hard time getting an apartment and generally a big amount of people were making my life harder one way or another. Different parties (not political ones) wanted money from me all the time and I just had none.

Then magic happened. I was informed I was getting an apartment, and I also decided to adopt a dog from Kulkurit Ry (a group that rescues dogs from the streets in Romania and Estonia). She is the most adorable thing ever, even she is a bit... special sometimes.



Her name is Aurica and she saves my life every day. She is mixed with who know how many breeds and is approximately 1,5 years now. Since she's a rescue, we don't know what her real age is. Nor what breeds she has in her. She arrived to Finland from Romania on the night between 27th and 28th of June. That's also when we celebrate her birthday :D

In the beginning of June I went to Desucon, which revived my urge to cosplay. Soon enough I had my own cosplay page on FB x) But we'll get back to that later.

Quite soon after Desucon I started dating... well "dating". Okay, I got myself a boy. By the end of June we were "officially dating". We're still together, which is surprising since I usually last for only 5 months in a relationship...

So things were going okay. I went to Birmingham for a Teen Wolf event, met my friends there, had fun, got told I look like Natalie Dormer, came back. Went to Ropecon, had an amazing time as usual. Went to Tubecon and met some really cool people and made new friends. Went to Mikkeli with Rafiki, had a blast.
In September I went to Tracon where I was a judge in a cosplay skit competition, had fun and made new friends. Still wanted to cosplay, but had no money. But then I got a job as a youth leader!?!?

Okay, at this point things were going a bit too well for me, so something had to come and mess up my life, right?

And it did. I was supposed to start working in the beginning of November, but got informed that it wasn't possible. For a week or two I was angry and disappointed, but somehowe I got a message saying that hey, I can start working in December! I was to become a youth leader with children's theatre group. And everything was good again. I even decided to do Sailor Pluto for a convention and started the cosplay page I mentioned earlier.
So things are going well, I have an apartment, I have a god, I have a job, I have a boyfriend, and I have hobbies that I like (parapara, cosplay and games)... so what could possibly go wrong?
Well, since you've probably noticed, I can't do well or be happy for a long time without something shitty happening. Well, in the beginning of December I lost my mummu (grandma from father's side in this case). And of course I got sad and a lot of random things started making me anxious (especially people).

I did continue my life and kept doing things I liked. I liked my work (still do!), got into cosplay and making Sailor Pluto and one day in late December as I was on a walk with Aurica, I realised that it's completely okay to let go of the "shitty" people in my life. If they are not good for me, if they always make me feel more bad than good, I can just leave them behind and say no to them.

Since the beginning of this year, things have been quite okay. I do get depressed every now and then, but that's how the illness works, and I'm doing my best on those days.
I went to Yukicon in January, where I wore my Sailor Pluto costume on stage, as I hosted Nordic Cosplay Championship preliminaries and the photoshoot contest.We even held a panel about cosplay skit making with Elina and Miro.

Photo by Santtu Pajukanta.

Once again I met some really cool people, made new friends and had a blast.

I've been working a lot, but good thing is that it's fun and I get to do a lot of different stuff. I also found out that I kinda own land in Pelkosenniemi x) Though I am going to sell it as soon as I get all the papers sorted out, since I don't really do anything with it, and don't have money to keep it in the long run.

Anyway, that's pretty much the past... eight (?) months. I actually have to work tomorrow (TODAY), so I gotta go to bed now. 

I'll try to be more active here, but I don't have much time or energy after work so I'll see what I can do x)

Stay human! Blog ya later~

Saturday, 29 March 2014

Hey there!

Once again I haven't written in ages and I have no reasons or excuses. I just haven't felt like writing anything here. But, I'll try to explain shortly what's happened.

Quite soon after returning from England my life started going down. Like... DOWN.
I was able to do various stuff for a while, but then I started losing that as well. I've had so much trouble and anxiety over various things these past 7 months it's ridiculous.

My medication (anti-depressant and anxiety one) got raised. I managed to get some appointments with a psychiatric nurse, but she wasn't that helpful so when I (completely accidentally) missed one appointment and she didn't call me back (at all), I just decided that I'd rather not see her again.
Then I got diagnosed with anaemia as well.
So pretty much from the beginning of this year, I've been taking 3 kinds of meds. For my mental health problems, hypothyroidism, and anaemia.
SO FUN. (Not.)
The best part? I still don't have an apartment (for NO good reason), no job (I've applied to various), and I'm just... in the point of giving up.

Then yesterday something heartbreaking happened. And in a way it kinda... while it was world-stopping, at the same time I kinda realised that I got to keep trying.
Right now I'm still hurting (mentally and physically) so much, but... I guess I'll survive.

Anywhoo, in order to NOT make this a post about how I dislike life and people, I'll just show you what I bought today to cheer me up from all of what's happened lately. Hehe.

TADAH!

Okay, so in truth I just went to Sokos to get a hair treatment, but ended up getting all that. Whoops.

Lumene: Radiant Touch cleanser and toner

These have been my favourite face products lately. I just really like how they make my skin feel and look like. ( I also have the Radiant Touch face scrub. The whole family! ) And then I saw these two bottles, with +50% extra, and on discount... well... Whoops. I'm hoarding these.

Aussie: 3 Minute Miracle Colour Mate Deep Treatment.

That's a mouthful...
So I did get what I wanted as well. Good thing it was on discount too, because Aussie is ridiculously expensive in Finland. The same bottle is about £5 in England (~6,20€) where as in Finland this is 13-14€ normally. I paid 11,50€. I know, such a huge discount. Not.
You can all bet your asses that I'll be hoarding Aussie stuff when I go to England in July...

We Care Icon: Body Scrub - Love Story

These guys have 3 different body scrubs. Tropical Wind (which I've tried and it smells so good), Love Story (the one I got just now), and Fresh Spirit (which I'm gonna try after Love Story).
Right now I have a feeling that I will prefer Tropical Wind over Love Story, because of the smell, but we'll see. I doubt that they'll feel that different, and the Tropical Wind one was at least gentle, but good. I wasn't meant to get this one either but... discount. Whoops.

Shower cap!

Last but not least (?!) I got myself a shower cap. They weren't on discount, so I got myself the cheapest one. This actually smells like a beach balloon, so I assume it's made out of similar material. But this is gonna make my life so much easier. Yes.

Hmmm. That's about it.
I'll update again when I feel like it, but don't stay on your toes. It might take a while :(

Till then, stay human!

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Living with depression and anxiety.

I've been debating for a while whether or not to write about this, because it's very personal and gets me emotional to the point I'm crying alone in my room.
But today I opened Word and wrote over 1400 words about me and my condition, kind of as an open letter. That's a lot of text, so I'll put t under a cut.

If you feel that you would like to read about it, don't be scared to click the 'read more'.